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Add in 24/7 race-to-the-bottom political news and it’s tempting to just give-in to the sky-is-falling-so-might-as-well-get-used-to-it voice in my head and trudge silently toward December. Tempting, but that’s an excuse to not do this Thanksgiving post I’ve committed to. And I absolutely believe in Yoda’s “do or do not, there is no try” attitude-is-everything philosophy. So I write. My topic — giving thanks this Thanksgiving.
I am giving thanks to family – my family.
This year, Thanksgiving itself will be a very small gathering. The reasons are many. The larger local family is adjusting to a new marriage and the restructuring this brings. With new additions to guest lists and newlywed hosts at the helm, we could sense the anxiety and ambivalence of having a really large group for dinner and graciously excused ourselves.
Our parents are also not joining us this year. My father’s worsening dementia makes it difficult for him to enjoy gatherings. The disease makes it increasingly hard for him to have a conversation, and that plus the noise and unfamiliar surroundings causes him to withdraw. I will instead have a Thanksgiving lunch with him at his facility. David’s mom is unable to travel by air, is unable to drive herself here, and is too far away for us to drive her to us and back. FaceTime will have to do.
So it will be David and me, our son and one other adult, someone who consistently and passionately works (and it can be work) to remain involved in our 12 year old’s life. He will be with us for a few days over Thanksgiving, and we are so glad that he will be here. He is family.
He is as family as it gets in my world. He continues to choose by his actions to be involved, to listen, to make spending time with us a priority. He wants to. Not many adults show that dedication and loyalty.
What defines your family?
David’s and my family is not defined by blood, it is defined by commitment. Our family is defined by trust and support. We care about, care for and look out for each other.
Big picture — families, however they form, are a reflection of the effort its members put into maintaining and encouraging them. Their spirit and relevance are a direct result of a concerted effort. Most importantly, families are worth celebrating, especially those families that do not fit neatly into a traditional definition, are seldom acknowledged, and sometimes marginalized. These diverse & modern families are American families too.
Who will your family include this Thanksgiving? Will there be new members, whether because of relationship or circumstance changes? Or, are you about to “be that newbie” in someone else’s family? Either way, let’s all plan to not just try, but to do — and take one definite action step that will demonstrate the importance of your family to you and how glad you are to be a part of your family this year. Someday, they might be all the family you’ve got — and, as it turns out, all the family you’ll need.